So, when it comes to dating, I'm not desperate by any means, I've simply found that I hate most people. And the ones I would give a chance, like this one, are way out of my league. At the time I was bartending at a Mexican restaurant and as much as I love a little latin flair, dating a 4'10" cook whose entire English vocabulary consists of "fucking shit," and "blow me" doesn't much appeal to me. My downtime was either spent at home or at a bar called The Treehouse; a sort of hipsterish hole in the wall with plenty of live music, PBR, and pretentiousness. I loved it. But finding a guy there wasn't easy; usually because it was the same people night...after night...after night. Great for hanging out, not for dating. ANYWAY, even I get lonely now and then. Match.com was as big of a crapshoot as pointing at someone across a bar so...after a few days months of curiosity, I finally decided to take the E-Harmony quiz to see who, or what they could possibly match me up with.
It was the longest quiz I've ever taken. When I tell the story it's "omg like 2 hours," but in reality it was probably like 30-45 minutes. It felt so long because I was genuinely answering every question, trying to be as honest with myself as possible, so that the results would be as accurate as possible. I was taking this very seriously, which I hate doing. Then came the "easy" questions. Do you want kids? NO,but I put maybe, so as to expand my results. And then the location question.
Columbus? Nah, I might move. I've been planning on moving to DC. And what about my plans to go to Australia and fake my death? Columbus isn't wide enough. Neither is Ohio. United States? Seems pretty broad...but again...Australia.
Yes! I did it. I chose the whole world. I fantasized about the matches I would get, where they would come from, how many philosophy books they'd written or geological findings they'd discovered...
But oh how cruel life is.
Nothing? Nothing, not a thing, not ONE person? Not even a link saying, "But if you'd like to sign up for E-Harmony we can show you who almost made it?" Only those six words. Sorry, we have nothing for you. They didn't even attempt to get me to sign up, that's how hopeless I am, apparently. I am literally not compatible with anyone. in the entire world. This experience has merely solidified what I unfortunately already knew about myself, but hoped I was wrong about.
My reaction:
eharmony did the same shit to me. It was Horseshit.
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